CIVILIANS DEATHS SCORE HIGHER THAN OFFICIALS!

Sports Brief; Civilians still beating officials in the Middle East!

As reported today in the world wide press, Iraqi civilians are still walloping the hell out of official organizations when it comes to body count.

"These guys must really be looking for the big win" said Mr. Loophole of the international coalition for human rights. "They just keep piling up the wins like there is no tomorrow."

"Don't you think that the civilian death toll is absurd by any human standards on the planet" I asked Mr. Loophole of the human rights commission.

"Yeah" he responded, "they must be cheating or something... that is really a great score, isn't it?"

"Why is it that such an alarming number of civilian deaths seems to be run of the mill and accepted in the modern atmosphere?" I then asked respectfully of Mr. Loophole.

"As far as I can tell, it seems to have something to do with that hilarious quote from that Vietnam movie" he began, "where the reporter soldier guy, asks the helicopter gunner how he can shoot un-armed men, women and children... you know the one I am talking about" he then stated in a knowing manner, "and then the gunner guy says; It's easy! Ya' just don't lead 'em as much!"

"Yeah, that's a good one" I said sarcastically. "Just how to you figure they are going to justify all of the civilian deaths?" I then asked.

"That will be easier than making them think they are winning something" he replied, "ya' see, nobody really cares beyond the water cooler and office break room.... so we will just keep up with the idea that the civilians are actually winning and everyone will have topical stuff to chit chat about like they care and are getting some charma points..... those charma points are real important to make 'em think they are getting them."

"Yeah, charma is really something these days, isn't it?" I responded.

"Yep, and it is easy to get someone else's to spend it all up, too!" he then replied, "that's how I keep my job with the humanitarian firms, while actually doing nothing about the "big game" and the INSANE amount of DEAD CIVILIANS in this conflict. I just smile an nod... and say it is just a travesty and that we are getting right on it... and all of the celebrities follow suit which makes all of the lonely little wasted lives consumed by television game shows and the media, smile and nod and rest assured that they are members in good standing of the charma club as well as just plain ol' good citizens of the world."

"That does sound like quite the lucrative job" I responded as any good reporter would.

"Don't let it fool ya' any" he then said, "it's all gravy! There's really nothing to posturing behind someone else's professional reputation as if it were your own. You just stand there and let all of the charma chicks do the rest....." he continued, "it really doesn't get much better as far as job security is concerned... and if things get to hairy... like pressure from someone that actually got through the smoke screen.... we then just say that it is too big and scary and we can't find anyone that is actually COMMITTING SUCH ATROCIOUS AND FLAGRANT HUMANITARIAN VIOLATIONS IN THE FACE OF EVERYTHING HUMAN THAT HAS EVER BEEN ESTABLISHED. It really is a cool gig."

"That almost sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?" I asked quite literally altogether too astounded with the attitude coupled with the civilian death toll still permeating the conversation.

"Does, doesn't it" said Mr. Loophole, "you want a job?" he then asked. "I could put in a good word for you down at the humanitarian headquarters with one of the guys wives if you want... as long as you promise not to go actually addressing any of the EMBARRASSING AND FLAGRANT VIOLATIONS WHICH MONKEYS WOULD NOT COMMIT.... there really isn't room for anyone that is going to "rock the boat" if you know what I mean. Let me know..."

"I'll think about that" I then responded.....

"Yeah, you do that.... I'm tellin' ya' the money is great!" said Mr. Loophole as we ended our review of the scores in Iraq.