N.B.A. Threaten Walk Out!

The smell of the locker room was no different today, but the mood was. As spokesman Michael Jordan broke the news and Shaq broke wind.... the basketball world was turned on it's ear (while pinching it's nose).

In the official statement the type print reads like demands from a hostage note. Each word laced with the very real threat of no more N.B.A. unless the players themselves (no coach's except former players) are given their own country to populate. The demands are quite vague in regard to which country.... as it was stated that none of the players actually care, as long as it is theirs and everyone else has to leave (except for Paul Allen and Mango from Saturday Night Live).

Many suspect billionaire Paul Allen and Mango from Saturday Night Live fame to be behind this movement (let's just hope they weren't behind Shaq), with Paul Allens highly publicized affinity for basketball (or maybe just the hot, sweaty, muscular players) and Mango's decidedly NOT publicized cavorting "on the down low" with most of the N.B.A. Many suspect Paul Allen as a culprit as well for political reasons.... using the shock in the sports world to divert attention from the looming task of uniting all of the worlds communication satellites into one network which will be controlled from a very limited number of places... Though this has posed many questions to the sports world and it's fans, it has definitely answered an equally large mystery.... that of why it is exactly Charles Barkley was not a role model? Well let's just say that Mango got famous somehow.... and a grown man dressed in a nighty, sporting bunny ears, isn't really the best role model for many things. Much less a person that would go around braging about being a role model.

Microsoft has not responded to inquiries pertaining to possible law suits in regard to this situation and their obvious relationship with Paul Allen.Steve Jobs was reported to be very jealous... Mango could not be reached for comment... we were told he was playing hide and seek under the covers with his imaginary friends.